Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So apparently I’m into choking now
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