I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
