I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
birth control should be required to get into college
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
