Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
