singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
