She is in my trunk
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
