she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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