So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
