fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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