just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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