good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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