and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
