Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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