Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I love having hate sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize