You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
