real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
