i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
