DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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