Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
