I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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