My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's shark week go big or go home
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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