he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
