Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
