How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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