what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
