Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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