He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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