I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
