Please, let me fuck your mom
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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