Ambien. No doubt about it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize