weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
