Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
