his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
