You made me cry and you don't even care
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
