If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
