I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
