My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
