Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
