dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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