haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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