Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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