the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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