I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
