I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
