haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
