i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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