these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
