he puts the penis in happiness.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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