Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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