he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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