your parents love me but you hate me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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