Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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