It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
