Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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