Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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