He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
