booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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