Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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