I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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