I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
