I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize