she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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