Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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