I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
