you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
