i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
