MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
