yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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