time to smoke my breakfast
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
