He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
