I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
false alarm, still single
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