I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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