I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
