You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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