i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
