Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You are a genius and a whore.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up under a house in Key West
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