he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
