I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
