I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize