You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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