The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
